Dark Shadows: Keep the Vampire in the Closet

Title: Dark Shadows

Director: Tim Burton

Writer: Seth Grahame-Smith, John August

Grade: C-

Synopsis: A 200 year old Vampire must resurrect his family's failing fish cannery in order to beat the psychotic bitch of a witch who put him in this immortal loveless dread.

Good Movie For: Hippies and fish cannery historians.

My father used to watch the Dark Shadows TV show when he was little. He said it was the scariest thing he had ever seen. I had high expectations for this movie. I love Tim Burton. Or should I say, I used to love Tim Burton. Old Tim Burton. Burton circa Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice days. 

I expected a lot more out of this movie, and I was sadly disappointed. I typically go into movies with a set of expectations garnered to each movie. I didn't go into 2012 thinking "Oh Shit! This is going to win an Oscar! Definitely!" I went in expecting a not so great script, but great visuals. The fact that I am madly in love with Tim Burton and believe that he is my long lost twin made me walk into this movie with extremely high expectations. I should have lowered that shit. 

The story was predictable. Honestly, the best parts of the movie were probably seen in the trailer. There were some hilarious jokes, but hilarity doesn't ensure a good story. It was confusing at first to know exactly what the story was going to be about just by the contents of the trailers. So he's a vampire and he comes back to his bloodline who now live in the 70's. 

There were so many different character storylines crossing so many different ways that I believe there wasn't enough development for all of them. He's trying to get back at his ex, but the family business is failing, but his lost love has come back from the dead, but the crazy self adopted doctor is in love with him, but there's ghosts and a drunk butler. The main storyline I think they should have focused on was the family dealing with their failing business, but that got muddled in all of these love affairs. 

The one upside of this movie was that the locations and the costuming was impeccable. It's very Tim Burtonesque, which I love. Besides that, this wasn't something I would want to watch again. Please Mr. Burton, get back to your old amazing ways, or else I might have to replace you as my favorite.